To 2012, where we learned that not all nice guys are actually nice, not all friends are actually friends, and sometimes you try and you don’t succeed. But at the end of the day, God never gave me something I couldn’t handle. If it weren’t for the fake friends, I wouldn’t have ended knowing who my real ones are. If it weren’t for that jerk of a guy, I wouldn’t have found and appreciated the sweetheart I have now. And if it weren’t for it all… I wouldn’t have known just how tough I really am. God made me out of diamonds, and that’s the lesson of 2012.
I hit this point last night, the “I want to be with Matt” point. And I was going to text him I love him and I’m sorry. But I’m not sorry, because I’m a runner and I know it. And not in the way that I like to jog ten miles. No, I like to love and run for the hills. I am constantly analyzing everything and thinking “is it time for me to make a run for the nearest exit sign”. That’s just a part of who I’ve always been, and I want a guy that’s going to prove my worth to him when I say I don’t believe in us. I want a guy that makes me believe in us. That sends me flowers or drives halfway to meet me just to give me a hug. When I say I’m struggling in the relationship, doesn’t walk out the door and not text me for a day. Relationships are hard work and they’re shitty work. I need a worker. I want to be a worker, but I’m not. And if my other half isn’t, it won’t happen.
There will always be a place in my heart for the Beta Tau chapter of tri delt, but I am so so thankful that I never went through formal recruitment at my last school because it brought me right where I was meant to be this year. I don’t know if I would have had the courage to transfer if I had gone greek my freshman year of college. I don’t know if I would have had the courage to be happy.
I know a lot of people gave me crap over how I was leaving because I didn’t have the guts to stay, but those are the people who’ve never had to start over. Staying at Baylor would have been so easy for me. I didn’t know anyone when I came to Purdue. I didn’t even have the connections a dorm would provide or being a freshman in general provides. But I am happier here on my worst days, than I was even on the best days at Baylor.
I encourage people to seek where their hearts are happiest. Be logical in that decision as well(Lord knows Purdue involved a lot of logic and research), but seek out your where your heart is happiest. If you don’t find it in your first boyfriend, or your first major, or your first college- don’t be afraid to seek it out and leave the familiar. Be adventurous and spontaneous, but also thoughtful in your actions.
